ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
