You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
