No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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