I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
