You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize