im drinking this country out of the recession.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
