bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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