I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize