We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
