just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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