***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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