Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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