dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Ladies don't puke and tell
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
