I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
