how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
tell me about the eggs
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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