You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
