11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
nut hugger
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize