pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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