Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
