he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
