margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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