last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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