and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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