I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
