When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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