My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize