Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
A bitchslap is in order.
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