You don't have asthma, your pregnant
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
