i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
