you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
