like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
