I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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