I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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