dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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