mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
