More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
