Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
