I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i barfeds in our rink
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
