you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Sober January is a disaster.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
