i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
