Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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