I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just cropdusted the office
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
