i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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