I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
