Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize