you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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