are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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