Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize