Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
