Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
