my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The Olympian is in my bed
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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