They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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