imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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