Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
