i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
We are all done wearing pants today
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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