so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
