did you get engaged???
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
