Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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