just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize