Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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