I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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