Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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