I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
