I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
