Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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