Only a mothe r could love this liver
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Randomize
