...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
