The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
