Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
