so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize