I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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