highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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