somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
