It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
