Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
