I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
