I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize