is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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