There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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