I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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