The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
