You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
then he tried to convert me to islam
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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