Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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